Have you ever noticed how exhaustion takes the edges off?
We can no longer hide from ourselves or God when we are too tired to hold the mask or shield up.
That happened to me at ACFW. I was poured out. Everything I had to offer was wrung out of me by Saturday at lunch.
In July I traveled to Denver in the process of miscarrying. Last week, I journeyed to Denver trying to pretend I was okay while desperately wanting to be real. During worship Sunday morning, I broke. I had no reserves left to pretend that I wasn’t angry at God. That I didn’t desperately question why He allowed this second miscarriage. That I am scared to offer Him all of me for fear of what else He will ask me to give up.
Sunday morning I surrendered. Again.
He’s asked me to believe that He has my best – that all He intends for me is good. That I don’t hae to wait for the other shoe to drop.
Life is parallel lines of wonderful and terrible. Good and bad. Intersecting, separating, Like railroad tracks running into a future that blurs in the distance.
But through it all God remains the same. And His promises never change.