This week in the Best Yes we had a great conversation about people pleasing. Is anyone out there a people pleaser? Please don’t leave me hanging in my struggling-to-recover-from-people-pleasing reality.
People Pleasing is wired into some of us. I know as an oldest, I have always looked at authority figures and spent time and effort figuring out how to match my production, actions, living to their needs and expectations. It makes me a generally great employee, but when I take that to every yes or no decision, it can make me (and the people around me) miserable.So what do we do with this?
In The Best Yes, Lysa points out three important aspects to people pleasing:
1) I can’t please everyone. I feel like I own this. I get this one. I can’t please everyone, so I need to focus on those that matter: my husband, my God, etc.
2) Like the graphic above, there are some people I simply won’t be able to please no matter what I do. I had one boss like this. From her I learned how not to manage, because I literally could do nothing to make her happy. Drove my people-pleasing heart crazy. But it’s an important lesson to grasp.
3) What are my expectations when I say yes? Am I saying yes to get something from another person? Have I attached strings, or am I acting from a heart of kindness and love? Ouch, ouch, ouch. We do this all the time. I do this all the time. The unspoken expectations that get the other person and me in trouble. My friends and I spent a lot of time talking about how this can hurt a marriage.
You can watch a short video of Lysa talking about these three elements here.
So what do you do about people pleasing? Is there a way to remove that from the yes or no equation? I’d love to read your thoughts on this important question.