7 Years Ago…

Cara Grief/Miscarriage 7 Comments

Genesis 5020Seven years ago my life changed when I experienced my first miscarriage. It was about this time of January that I lay in an ultrasound suite with my husband, both of us expecting to see a heartbeat and meet our new little one through the wonders of ultrasound technology. Instead, with each passing moment, the tech’s persona became more solemn. Then we were ushered to the doctor’s office — something that hadn’t happened in my earlier pregnancies.

Instead of walking out with a CD of images of our baby, I walked out knowing this was a child I would not meet this side of heaven.

I can still feel the overwhelming sense of loss and disbelief.

My life was changed. Today, I want to share with you a post I wrote two months later about a special service held in our community…maybe it will inspire you to seek something similar in yours.

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(March 2007) Ever go through a season in life where you just know that God is teaching you something. And part of that is opening your eyes to the pain in other peoples’ lives.

I have been blessed beyond measure. My life has been sheltered from so much pain.

Then at the end of January I had a miscarriage.

Even typing those words hurts.

It’s not until you experience it that it really sinks in just how many baby things exists in this world. I can’t even get milk from our local Wal-Mart without passing the diapers and adorable baby outfits. Try walking through a mall without wincing when you see Motherhood Maternity or the cute clothes at Children’s Place, Old Navy, or Kohls.

I am blessed with two beautiful children. Wonderful children. But my arms still feel very empty right now.

Saturday our local hospital partnered with a parish and funeral home to hold a beautiful memorial service for families who had suffered a perinatal loss. They do this three times a year and have a permanent memorial for these little ones. What a wonderful way to acknowledge the grief and begin the process of moving on. It also provides a place for families to return to on those hard days like due dates, anniversaries, etc. And it acknowledges the real pain that people feel when they walk through this process.

As I’ve thought about it and talked to others, I’ve realized just how unique this service (and all the other support the hospital provides) is. Yet around 25% of pregnancies end prematurely from miscarriage. What an opportunity for churches and crisis pregnancy centers to step in and reach out to another subset of women who are deeply wounded by pregnancy loss.

So this isn’t my typical kind of post. But it’s where I am right now. And who knows, maybe this will help ignite a dream or ministry in your heart to reach out to women in pain.

Because as we know, Jesus provides hope and healing. But sometimes He chooses to work through us.

Comments 7

  1. Beautiful post, Cara! I also got to benefit from one of those beautiful memorial ceremonies myself with my 3rd miscarriage, and based on that we had our own memorial service with our 4th. The other three were very early and I didn’t know so many things with the first one…. but God is good and great in how He uses those painful episodes to help us grow into more than we ever thought we could be. I thought of how many things I would not know about life and loving others if I hadn’t gone through my losses. And I love how He helps us learn how to comfort others with the comfort He has given to us! <3

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  2. Thank you for sharing. My first miscarriage was forty two years ago and my last thirty years ago. I’ve learned a lot and although time dims the pain you never totally forget. My arms have not always been empty and I am grateful to my Heavenly Father for that. I too look forward to a time when I will be able to meet those which I was unable to hold in this life.

  3. Hugs. It was so refreshing (but painful) to read one of your book’s characters experiencing and growing through the heartbreak of miscarriage. I felt very much alone through all three of our miscarriages. They were our first three pregnancies, and we didn’t know very many people in town. Winter is always very difficult for me, because the 2nd and 3rd were in the winter, 1999. I’ve never been able to bring myself to go to one of those services…. Hugs and prayers to you for being so brave to write about it. I’m so glad God blessed your family again!

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      Thank you…that was a hard book to write, but I know it was important to do. Praying for you this winter…And grateful God filled your arms with your precious girls.

  4. Cara, I am an OB nurse and at the hospital I used to work at we had a yearly service for everyone within the year who experienced a loss. One year I got to arrange the service, from singers to flowers. It was so touching. I knew several of these patients. I’d been there when their prefect, teeny, tiny one was delivered. I cried with them then and then at the service. I went with them to the cemetery and cried more. The hospital I currently work at does not offer this service. But I do believe it is something we are looking into in the next couple years. God bless you for sharing, not many people do, and I wish more would. Thank you.

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      Amy, thank you. Having a service like that is a gift to the family. That was when my dad really began to understand that we had lost a family member. I know it served the same purpose for others. Thank you for being there for families walking this sad road.

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