This blog post has run through my mind for days, so I’m going to stop and write it.
This is another one of those gut-level honest posts.
I’ve experienced a little grief in my life when one set of grandparents died and when a uncle died. We also lost our dog (and first child in many senses) very unexpectedly a couple months ago. All of those were big losses.
But I’m learning that the death of a child through a miscarriage falls into a whole other plane…and very few people understand. Unless you’ve had one, most people don’t get it (with rare exceptions).
My family doesn’t understand. My friends don’t understand. Even my husband struggles to understand though he tries.
To each of them, it is a loss – a real loss – but a one-time loss.
It couldn’t be farther from that for me. Each month I am reminded that I’m not pregnant. Then there are the times that my son or daughter will say something innocent that reminds me again that we’re waiting for a baby. Or that they still think the baby will arrive someday. Or I’ll pick up my son and think I shouldn’t be able to do that because I should be nine months pregnant.
There’s the count-down of what a normal pregnancy looks like. The dates that you anticipated after the baby was born. And the one I dread, almost fear, the due date. That one’s barreling at me, and it’s easy to feel like everyone else has forgotten while I’m curled up in a fetal position wondering how I will survive that day.
I’m not prone to depression, but there are days that I truly struggle to find the positive in life.
Now don’t get me wrong. Life is still good. God is still good.
But there is also real pain. And if you know someone who has experienced a miscarriage, please remember that the pain doesn’t end – in fact in some ways it builds.
So pray for them. Ask how they are really doing. Because you may be the only one who cares enough to remember and ask.
I found this resource this week, and it will help those who may have had a miscarriage know they are not alone and help those who are watching a woman struggle understand a bit more what she is going through.
And on a lighter note…the new Point of Grace video is out. You can check it out here…Beautiful video and song. That could be an anthem for all of us. It’s not who you knew…It’s not what you did…but how you lived…