Most of you know that I had a miscarriage almost two years ago. Last week I was blind-sided again by grief. It is amazing how life can be flowing — busy but so good — and then, wham! I’m back in that place.
I suppose all grief is like that.
I’m just pretty inexperienced at it.
Last week two events triggered it. The first was getting one of those lovely emails: you’re baby is 15 months old. Oh, that he was! Instead, he’s dancing on the streets of heaven. And oh, how I’d love to hold him and dance with him here.
It’s odd. I thought I’d gotten off all the lists, but periodically we’ll get something in the mail or a message will arrive. I know I should get off these last lists. It’s not that hard with the email ones. But part of me doesn’t want to forget. Silly, I know. Baby Gabe will always be a part of our family. Just ask Abigail or Jonathan. They’ll tell you about the baby in heaven. And I cannot imagine life or our family without precious Rebecca. But that doesn’t remove the ache for Gabe.
The other trigger revolves around three precious little ones. Daughters of a friend, cousin, and brother. Two were born around Gabe’s due date, the other a few weeks after. I love those little ones, but it’s hard to see them or hold them and not be reminded of the one I’m missing.
Times like that I can’t wait for heaven — and that’s not usually my focus.
So if you know someone who has miscarried, please be sensitive. Several dates/anniversaries are hard. And the pain lingers and reoccurs. The date of the loss and due date are tender times. Tread with care. And even though you may not feel that same pain, please acknowledge it even when you don’t understand or have moved on.
Sometimes just knowing it’s recognized helps.
(The photo is the kids at the Gymnastics Superstars event in Indy on Veterans Day. Very cool!)