October 15th is miscarriage loss day. It always brings pain to the surface, a pain that isn’t too far removed from my days. I’ve had two miscarriages, two precious children I don’t know this side of heaven. Last year God gave me another slice of peace about the process, so today I wanted to share this so that it can encourage your hearts if you’ve walked a similar journey.
Recently, the Grove girls and I have been talking about the meanings in names. Our names aren’t an accident. They have deep meaning and speak destiny to our hearts and lives.
Through that discussion, God reminded me in a very gentle way that He was very present in my time of deepest pain.
After my miscarriages, I begged God to show me how He would use this intense pain for His glory and for good this side of heaven. I couldn’t wait for the other side of heaven to see the fulfillment of the promise. I had to see Him. One way He showed Himself was that my parents’ ministry of healing has expanded to women who had miscarriages. As they pray for these women, Jesus often gives the women the name for their babies. There is a healing in that act and knowing that Jesus knows their children.
Yet I didn’t think I’d received names. Here I’d lived through the pain not once, but twice, and even in that, I never felt that moment when Jesus gave me a name for those children.
This week He revealed to me He gave those names to my kids. Abigail and Jonathan were young (6 & 3) with the first miscarriage and so very excited to have a baby brother or sister. Because my first two pregnancies had been so routine we let the kids know before the first trimester ended. Abigail had just made and handed out adorable diaper announcements when we had an ultrasound that revealed no heartbeat. We were all devastated, but the kids named our first loss baby Mickey (Michael). The second loss baby we call Gabbie.
All this time, I’ve thought those names were relatively random, yet beautiful names for our angel babies. Then this week for the first time I looked up the meanings of those names.
The fact I waited so long to look them up is still stunning to me.
The meanings revealed God’s immense gentleness and the way He sees and knows and nothing is a mistake when He is in it. Michael means Who is like God? This was the question I had to wrestle to the ground after the first miscarriage. Gabriel means God is my strong man… That second miscarriage about shattered me. God had to be my strength because I didn’t have it in me. I’ve got tears in my eyes as I type this, because those names are so appropriate to the journey God walked and wrestled with me after each loss.
God is gentle. He isn’t intimidated by our questions, our emotions, our brokenness. How has He revealed His great gentle love in your life?
And to end on a joyful note, I’m holding a giveaway of two of my books that include the issue of miscarriage. I’d love to have you enter!
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